LaDaSa church announces women will never have priesthood because 'baby blessing circles are already too big'

A small group, from the old days

SALT LAKE CITY - Coming on the heels of the new website OrdainWomen.org the LaDaSa church announced that women will not be ordained to the priesthood 'anytime soon' because of the alarming trend of baby blessing circles becoming bigger and bigger. Church spokesman Bruce McDunnough sat down with us to elaborate.

"Attend any Salt Lake Valley ward on fast Sunday, especially at the southwest end of the valley, and chances are you will see one or more babies being blessed. I dare you to try and find a parking spot five minutes before services begin. Those are packed meetings. We're talking Primary Program packed. If you make it inside tell me what you see when the time comes for the baby blessing. It will blow your mind."



McDunnough continued: "I'll tell you what you'll see. When the bishop announces 'those who have been invited to participate in the blessing please come forward' you'll see about 18, 19 guys stand up and head to the front of the chapel. One day, and I swear this is real, I saw a dad knocking on doors on his way to church, asking all his neighbors if they wanted in on the blessing circle. It's just crazy now. It's almost like a contest to see who can get the most people in a circle."

We asked Bro. McDunnough if he's seen any signs of the circles getting smaller. "Not at all. I was in a ward last month and there were two blessings. The first guy goes and has about 12 people in his circle. The second guy realizes he's only brought 10 so he starts pulling people out of the congregation to join. It's silly."

So what does this have to do with women being given the priesthood? "Picture this. It's fast Sunday and there's a baby to be blessed. The people are invited forward and next thing you know there are 10 dudes and 13 ladies heading up front. There's no way you can fit them there. Do you move it to the cultural hall? No way! Some other ward is having Elder's quorum in there. Even if you could find a spot big enough to hold the blessing how is everyone supposed to touch the baby? Do you hand out those paddles they use in the pizza ovens so everyone can get something under the kid?"

In the end Bro. McDunnough doesn't think women will be ordained anytime soon. "The only way I could see it happening is if they 'dis-ordained' men. I don't know if that's on the table though."



As always, if you have any 'news' tips or would like to see a certain topic covered, email us at astutedoofus@gmail.com. We'll give you props in the story.