Advice column: Doofus ex machina

DEAR DOOFUS: I'm a 29.7 year old female, currently attending a single's ward. The bishop recently put up a bulletin board in the foyer. The girls have started putting up pictures of themselves, along with a profile, and tear-away phone numbers. The boys then come along and grab the numbers of the women they'd like to date. Unfortunately no one has taken any of my numbers. Would it be wrong for me to tear off a few of my own numbers to make it look like I'm a hot commodity? Thanks Doofus!
--DESPERATE DELORES


DEAR DELORES: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is the funniest question I've received in a long time. I haven't laughed this hard since someone asked me if it was OK to look at p0rn as long as they did it with their spouse. Thanks for making my morning.

Advice Column: Doofus ex machina

DEAR DOOFUS: I am a 23 year old mother with a 18 month old son. I am a firm believer in breastfeeding but I'm wondering how old is too old when it comes to the age of the child?
--"Breast" wishes, PONDERING PARENT IN PROVO.


DEAR PONDERING: Let me tell you a story that I think might answer your question. I was visiting a friend one day and while we were in her living room chatting her son came out and intimated that he was hungry. Whereupon my friend lifted her shirt and let the boy latch on. When the boy was full he detached and said, "Delicious!" Do you think that boy is too old to be breastfed? I like to use a simple phrase to help me remember: "If the kid can speak, stop the leak". I would also recommend picking up the following video at your local store: