Gay LaDaSa man called to teach gospel doctrine in mother's lounge

PORTLAND - An openly gay LaDaSa man has been called to teach gospel doctrine in his ward building's mother's lounge. Brent Borden, member of the Portland 7th ward, was called and sustained this week.

"I'm really excited to jump right in," Brent says. "I've been a teacher my whole life so this is a wonderful opportunity for my to share my talents."


We spoke with Bishop Jack Feynman about this historic calling. "It's simple really. We have sisters in our ward who cannot participate in Sunday School because they are stuck in the 'dungeon' each week; Brent is an outstanding teacher in need of a calling. Put them together and we have a wonderful solution. Some people may question this but Brent is currently single and committed to living the law of chastity. The qualifications for serving in the church are the same for everyone, regardless of orientation."

How do the nursing mothers in the ward feel? "Overjoyed! Ecstatic!" said Molly Hart, mother of a three month old girl. "I feel so separated from the rest of my ward family. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to come to church. But this is such a great solution. I wonder why no one has thought of it before?"

As an added bonus plans are being made to renovate the mother's lounge. "It was just so dark and smelly in there. And the chairs were hardly worthy of the name," says Bishop Feynman. "We'll get some nice recliners in there, some scented candles, the works. Heck, I might even start attend...oh right. Never mind."

The new class taught by Brother Borden begins in two weeks.

Artist's rendering of proposed changes to mother's lounge

As always, if you have any 'news' tips or would like to see a certain topic covered, email us at astutedoofus@gmail.com. We'll give you props in the story.