AMERICAN FORK - Walter N. Hays has had a rough week. Resident of American Fork and (former) LaDaSa member of the American Fork west stake, Mr. Hays was mistakenly excommunicated earlier this week by his stake president, Howard McDonald. Turns out Pres. McDonald made a serious error.
"I feel terrible, I really do. I had no idea that the Mormon Rap was done by a band. I thought it was an individual," said Pres. McDonald. "My brother used to listen to that song all the time and it drove me nuts. I even left the church for a stretch because it hurt my testimony so much. I figured that if prophets were inspired they would have known that turd was coming down the pike and put a stop to it. Obviously they didn't so I withdrew from church."
President McDonald was out of the church for about seven years, losing his job and and his wife.
"I got low, man. Really low. I started eating at Arby's and I got hooked on Bit-o-Honey's. It was sad. I became obsessed with revenge. That stupid song cost me my job and my marriage. I called up my brother and asked him who wrote Mormon Rap. He told me Walter N. Hays. Now I had a target for my anger."
Pres. McDonald continues: "Eventually I made my way back to church. I cleaned up and got straight. I started participating more, really working hard on my life. I even grew to forgive Walter N. Hays. After a while they made me stake president. Things were great."
Then the roof caved in.
"I'm doing temple recommend interviews one day," explained Pres. McDonald. "In walks a brother and sits down across from me. As he takes out his temple recommend I notice that is says 'Walter N. Hays'. I just snapped. It was just like that Scatterbrain video. I lost it. I ex'd him on the spot!"
Isn't that against the rules? "No. It turns out there are certain cases where a stake president can take immediate action without the high councilors present," said Pres. McDonald. "Things like having an AOL email address, driving American cars, etc. This was one of those cases."
When Pres. McDonald's brother found out what had happened he called his brother and straightened the mess out. Ronald explained that the Mormon Rap was done by Walter AND Hays band, not an individual. That means that Walter N. Hays will be eligible for baptism in one week. We reached out to Walter for comment and he replied, "It happens."
As always, if you have any 'news' tips or would like to see a certain topic covered, email us at astutedoofus@gmail.com. We'll give you props in the story.
No comments:
Post a Comment